The Outdated State of My Gender Identity

Currently, I am still in the process of figuring it out. It's been a work-in-progress thing for ages, and I have yet to get a definitive answer. Honestly I don't even know if there is such a thing as a definitive answer for this. It's all reallt abstract.

As of right now, my understanding is that I am probably not cis, but I don't completely know to what extent. Hell I may be still cis, it's really complicated. Currently, I am confident enough to just say I'm non-binary, transfem, and queer, but it's likely more complicated than that.

You may ask: "Well E/E, what pronouns do you prefer? Could you explain your gender identity a bit more?" Sure yeah I can get into that, but please understand that all of the info is subject to change. I may still be cis, and just be misunderstaning my brain. I could be completely binary and trans. I could be genderfluid. I could just prefer different pronouns one day.


Alright, pronouns. Currently I don't have a preference, as long as it's not malicious. You can use He/Him, She/Her, They/Them, It/It's, Xey/Xir, etc... You may not use stuff like Attack/Helicopter, or pronouns used derogatorily. Like calling me It/It's as a way to say I'm not human. These preferences are mine alone, and I do not speak for the entire non-binary/trans/etc community. The reason i don't have a preference is that it's really just a gut feeling. It also shouldn't matter since having seperate pronouns for gender isn't a thing in many languages. Just use what you think is right, and understand if I ask you to stop using certain pronouns or whatever.

My Gender

I'm not entirely sure what my gender is when it comes to labels. I do know I'm transfem, and queer. I'm currently taking feminizing HRT and am (currently) planning on getting whatever precedure I can get. Generally though, I'm not sure if I'm a girl. It's all odd, so I'm still figuring it out, but I do like being called girl and whatnot, but I always visualize my gender in my head as a abstract ever-changing concept. I may also be non-binary in some way, but I think it may also be likely I'm genderfluid between non-binary and feminine. In the meantime, I like being called a girl, and if you need specific labels, use "queer" and "trans". I may not look like it in real life, which weighs on me a lot, but the best part of this website is that I can be who I am without being limited by a flesh vessel.

It is important to note that gender identity and expression are seperate. Gender identity is what you identify as, how you feel. Gender expression is how you present the identity. Here's an example: Someone is a female, but dresses in mostly dress shirts and men's kakhis. She play a lot of sports and drinks some cold ones after having a barbeque. She is still female.

The Names

Ok so the two names. It's complicated. I like both. Sometimes I prefer one over the other. Thing is, is that it makes no sense to have two names most of the time. It's nearly impossible to work into speech or text without it being clunky. As of right now, anyone who knows me in real life should refer to me as Ethan, anyone who knows me online should use Evelyne. I feel like transitioning as a transfem, and also enjoy using Evelyne. It's weird, I know, I don't have a solution for it. My apologies.

Some Common Questions

Alright so some common questions are "What genitals do you have", "are you on hormones", "are you getting mental aid". Here's my answers in order: None of your business, I am as of 2022/10/04, On a waitlist.

The Genitals Thing

About the genitals thing, even to cis people it's a very odd question. How would you feel if someone asked you about yours. It feels invasive and creepy, right? If not, then for almost every non-cis person, it feels that way. For many cis people it feels that way. It's just weird and honestly gross in some situations. Would you ask that at the dinner table? Would you ask that in front of your boss? How about your mom? Generally, I recommend against asking about it unless both parties are comfortable talking about it or you are planning on seeing them at some point. There's nothing wrong with having a preference, many trans people have a preference, just don't pry in general conversation.

Hormone Therapy/HRT

About hormone therapy/HRT. For those who don't know, it's basically taking hormones from the opposite sex (not gender) and/or other drugs affecting hormone receptors and production. Many (I think most) trans people want to take HRT to slowly but surely make them look/feel more like how they want to look/feel. Let's say someone who was born male, but is trans-feminine and wants to look/feel more like their actual gender. They might go on HRT to increase estrogen production and decrease testosterone production/sensitivity.

I'm on HRT! Currently taking 12.5mg cyproterone every second day and 2mg estradiol orally daily. I'm very excited about it and am creating updates every once in a while about it!

Mental Therapy/Aid

Ok so this could mean a couple things. General mental health therapy, gender exploration therapy, and transgender mental health therapy. The only one I'm currently on a waitlist for is gender exploration therapy. This should help me solidify my understanding of my gender, and make sure I am actually not cis. It's better to be causious, even if I currently hate having to wait for HRT.

For mental health therapy, I probably need it. Not completely for transgender stuff, but in general. I have so, so, so many issues I need to work on, that are also limiting any attempt to present/feel more how I want to. If you're an employer who is reading this, hire me anyway please I really need to money.

Ok, are you finished?

Yeah ok that should be all of it. I hope this was clear enough. I can't say my writing skills are that good. All of this comes from my experiences and are not universal. I do not represent any community as a whole. Any of my actions are not anyone's but my own. If you have any other questions, feel free to reach out, but obviously as of right now I do not have any contact info listed. Maybe in the future I guess.

Thank you for taking your time to read this. It means a lot to me that people understand my gender (or at least pronouns) and act accordingly. As for blog posts, you may be like "this isn't a project" and I concur, the project is the blog post and also myself as a person.

Please enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!